remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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