i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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