wat bout pragnant strippers??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
