so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
