Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize