i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He passed out mid-signature
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize