I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
