My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
