i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
