I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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