I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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