I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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