I feel great
I just peed on a car
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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