I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
