I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
