I have demons in me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
