just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
