if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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