I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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