Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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