She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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