so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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