dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
