just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
