i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
