I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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