You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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