I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
