I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
