Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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