I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
