just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
