Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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