I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
