Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
