I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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