i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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