3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
