please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
