Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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