So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
