It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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