I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
