I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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