Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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