I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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