Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
