How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
