when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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