Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
