just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
