about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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