the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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