she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
