I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
