Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
