why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
