Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
