soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
