can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
