when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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