I heard we made out
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
