pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
