My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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