do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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