I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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