i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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