Who did Billy Mays play for?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
