thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
