Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
