i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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