obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize