Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
