i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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