I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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